Occasionally I'll send some banal renderings your way and today will be one of those times. Here is my potpourri of variegated miscellany (enough of the repeated redundancies already!):
–Dining with my wife tonight, an elderly man walked into the restaurant wearing a tee-shirt bearing the banner: "I used to care, but now I take a pill for that."
–Found a hilarious spoof on the DaVinci novel. Go to http://www.carl-olson.com/articles/duhvinci_con1.html and laugh yourself silly.
–If you do not want to invest in one of those expensive DayTimers or they seem a bit confusing or over-the-top, download the disposable pocket organizer at www.pocketmod.com. It's really cool!
|10. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" 9. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. 8. Long distance companies don't call you to switch. 7. You rob Peter…and then rob Paul. 6. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change. 5. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. 4. Your bologna has no first name. 3. Sally Struthers sends you food. 2. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments. 1. At communion you go back for seconds.|
–And in the "Did they say what I think they just said?" dept.:
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." –Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," —Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," —Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." –Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." —Al Gore, Vice President
"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." – —Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst (and Notre Dame grad)
And, finally (drum roll please):
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." —Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
I just thought you'd like to know these things. You know, to better equip you for this dramatic and sometimes dangerous thing called life…